That Kingdom Called Childhood
by TheRoseShadow21
Summary: "I'd left that land a/long time ago./And that was all that/ I'd thought needed to be said." Satoru-centric, rated T to be safe.
**I think seeing this series adapted as an anime is unleashing my poetic side to a big extent. I already have another poem in progress for this show, and it sparked a poem idea for a different fandom (which I will also upload today). Anyway, hope you enjoy this poem ^.^**

* * *

Colours gone, fuzzy at the edges.  
Sounds I can't quite discern.  
They come from a place  
that I once lived in,  
that kingdom called childhood  
that we all inhabited at some point.  
But until now I could  
not have said  
what it was like nor  
who I had been there.  
I'd left that land a  
long time ago.  
And that was all that  
I'd thought needed to be said.

Yet it had always been there.  
Always, deep down and hidden.  
My life had been in danger once,  
my mother had told me.  
Chance words, meaning nothing.  
Even son, something crept up to  
the forefront of my mind.  
A scene, bright and silent,  
coloured with the red and yellow  
of a girl, alone in the snow that  
would soon help to erase  
all traces of her.  
And later, the cold warmth of  
the questioning room and  
the slamming heaviness of the  
realisation that it'd all rested on me.  
That I could have prevented it.

I had forgotten that,  
that scene from that land.  
Apparently, it was what  
the adults back then had  
desired for us, to keep us  
intact, to keep us safe.  
It had worked, for  
until now I could not have said  
what it was like nor  
who I had been there.  
But, at what cost?  
Just as the snow erased her,  
I'd erased that tragedy but  
the colours from there have gone,  
fuzzy at the edges.  
The sounds, I can't quite discern them.

It was the kingdom of childhood,  
the one we all inhabit for a time.  
I know that there must have been  
frivolity, ambitious endeavours  
and amusement, too.  
I'm sure that until that red and yellow  
night, I must have been innocent,  
must have known little more than  
companionship and the unconditional  
love of the family I had.  
But, now, I cannot reach that,  
I can't confirm that these  
were true things too.  
All that remains now is the  
blood on my hand and the  
heavy, heavy weight in my head.

Perhaps if I had a map,  
a chart of the life I've lived.  
If I could find such a thing,  
maybe, just maybe,  
something would clear.  
It's so grey out here, everything,  
everything is rushing at me.  
I'm backed in a corner,  
and I cannot change things.  
If only the pieces would  
all come together then  
maybe I would be able to  
have fixed things so that  
my mother would now be alive.

But they had always been there,  
those memories I should  
have had the chance to treasure.  
Forgetting, that should not have  
been an option and yet,  
this is where I've ended up.  
So though I am  
scrambling, begging, searching  
for something definitive,  
in truth, I know.  
Now I know where it had been,  
that kingdom of childhood.  
So far behind me, a long time ago.  
Its colours, they're vivid again, but too distant.  
The sounds, I can discern them once more.

And now I know who  
I had been in  
that kingdom called childhood.  
The same person I am now, bereft,  
struggling against the grey.  
But now I can turn, and look back,  
so that is what I do, and  
I long for a chance to return there,  
just one final time.  
Can I return there?

Please, let me return there.

* * *

 **One of my favourite things about this show is how it portrays family, childhood and memories. The idea that during the original timeline, the adults tried to make the children forget about the murders was one that snagged onto my brain and wouldn't leave me. As Satoru asks in this poem, at what cost did that forgetting come? I'd imagine a lot. Forgetting and remembering are not so straight-cut, after all. And there was also something about Satoru's 'detective game' (saving Aya and Hiromi) that seemed very rough shod and desperate and also really joyful- if ever a word was invented for a scenario, then 'endeavour' was invented for this aspect of ERASED. No idea if that even makes sense, but hopefully some of you will have a faint idea what I am on about.**

 **Anyway, please do leave feedback!**


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